自我身份认同

从万维钢精英日课159《什么故事最好使?》知道了Bryan Stevenson的《We need to talk about an injustice》TED 演讲,谈他面对美国司法不公正的抗争经历。开场讲的他外婆的故事,接近结尾讲的法院外清洁工鼓励他的故事,都唤醒了他对自己身份的认同。

Stevenson出生在一个典型的黑人大家庭,他外婆是家族中最有智慧的一个人,她的十多个子女各自都生了好多小孩。孙子女太多,Stevenson并没有太多机会跟他外婆相处。

九岁那年,外婆找他单独谈话,要求他不要把谈话内容告诉任何人。他答应之后,外婆说,我观察了你很久,你是一个很特别的孩子,你以后有能力成就任何你想成就的事业。Stevenson受宠若惊,外婆要他答应三件事:第一,必须永远爱你的妈妈;第二,必须永远做正确的事,有时候正确的事很难做,但也要做正确的事;第三,永远不许喝酒。Stevenson全部都答应了,从此之后,他就有了一种特殊的使命感,觉得自己责任重大。

过了许多年,他十九岁的时候,哥哥不知重哪里弄来了啤酒,跟大家一起喝,唯独Stevenson硬是不喝,大家觉得很奇怪。哥哥盯着他看了很久,恍然大悟:“噢,你不会还想着外婆要你保证的事吧?姥姥和每个外孙都说他很特别。” 

TED现场的人听到这里,哄堂大笑。Stevenson 接着说:我现在52岁了,我从来没喝过酒。

Stevenson是个非常有影响力的民权律师。结尾处的故事是,他十分疲惫,缺乏面对法庭的斗志。当他踏上进入法院的台阶时,一个黑人清洁工问他是谁,来这里干吗。当再三确认Stevenson是律师后,他凑过去,给了Stevenson一个拥抱,并在他耳边悄声说,“我真为你骄傲。”演讲中,Stevenson说这个拥抱和认可,犹如强心针,唤醒了他对自己的身份认同。

他在法庭辩论的时候,那个老伯跑进去听了,就站在他背后,中间休息的时候,警察很气愤他一个扫地竟然跑进来了,问他进来干嘛,他说:“我进来是想告诉这个年轻人,往前看,往好了看,挺住。”(I came into this courtroom to tell this young man, keep your eyes on the prize, hold on.)

这让我想起乔布斯那个精彩的演讲How to live before you die

You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

……

I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

高三的时候听李敖有话说,他说自己最喜欢别人的一句夸奖:“不愧是李鼎彝的儿子”,这也算是一种身份认同吧。

我想,这种身份认同,是一种“盲目的自信”吧。不需要任何理由,外界的认可,只是唤醒它,在我们有所动摇的时候负责强化我们相信的使命感。若是一个人那么容易被别人赋予使命感或者被外界贴上身份标签,那他也会同样因为别人的不认可而放弃自己的坚持。

2017/4/5, Wed

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